What do you do when you think you know your parents’ habits really well, and then you start finding that some things are out of place or don’t make sense? For example, Susan started noticing that her mom, a very refined and meticulous person, was sometimes wearing wrinkled or soiled clothes. At times she didn’t seem to have brushed or taken care of her hair, something she always prided herself on.

Rachel was surprised when she went to visit her parents’ home and found mail piling up on the table. She looked through the pile of envelopes and realized there were unopened bills, some had arrived weeks ago. She noticed some of them were late notices. This was not like her parents at all, and she wondered what was going on that would make them forget to open so many letters and take care of keeping the bills paid.

What is happening, why are your parents behaving out of character? It could be that:

• Some tasks are getting too difficult for them but they don’t want to say anything
• They are feeling overwhelmed
• They may not have the energy to keep up to everything around the house anymore
• They are showing signs of dementia

The following signs could indicate the need for your parents to have home care services:

• The fridge is full of food that has spoiled but not been thrown away
• There are increasing instances of forgetfulness
• They may have an unpleasant body odor (bathing has been forgotten or is too difficult)
• Clothes are dirty or kept on for days at a time
• Important appointments are being missed or forgotten
• Tasks that used to be easy and familiar are now fraught with confusion and uncertainty
• There is a significant decline in the cleanliness of their home
• Medications are being forgotten or taken in the wrong dosages
• Weight loss, poor diet, poor eating habits

Speak to your parents if you notice these or other unusual things are happening. They may not open up at first but it’s a good idea to find out what they are having difficulties with. You may also need to speak to their doctor and let their health professional know what the situation is.

You have now determined your parents need an in-home care provider; how do you approach the subject with them? You probably know your parents best. Explain the benefits of being able to remain in their own home, in a safe atmosphere where there’s someone who can help with the tasks that are becoming more and more difficult. They would no longer need to worry about overdue bills, unwashed clothing, remembering appointments etc. The in-home care provider can assist with all of those things. Your parents would be able to age in place, in the comfort of their own home and in the neighborhood where all their friends are.

Knowing your parents are well taken care of will lift the burden of worry off your shoulders.